you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
