Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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