I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
