Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
