I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
home. puking in laundry basket.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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