My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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