At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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