thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
