my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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