If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
