thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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