i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
