I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Green mimosas i think yes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
