Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
