Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Im part way to drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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