I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
