The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
