dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
