i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
