Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
