dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
