A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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