i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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