I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
