i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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