so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
