He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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