How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
