I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
