so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
