And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
