So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
