I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
