I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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