Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
