I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
now i know why i became what i already was.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
