my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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