I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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