my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
