he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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