last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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