So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
