i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
