that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
