I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
