When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
