you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
