final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
