people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
