I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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