remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
