I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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