hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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