I accidentally had phone sex last night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
