he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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