My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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