i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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