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And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
