It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
