i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
