his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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