I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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