You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was so not down for the gang bang
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Congratulations! We have a period
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