Im at strip club and am horny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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