can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
