I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
