Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I enjoy the company of your penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
