grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
